And The World Spins On

I've thought about writing this post many times. I've even started writing, and couldn't finish. I wish I could let people crawl inside my head. Then and only then, would they understand.
It's quite obvious that I've completely abandoned my blog. I'm sure most people understand why, but for those who don't I digress.
One year, five months, and twenty five days ago we lost our beautiful Gracie. I will not go into detail here. I'm sure there are inquiring minds that want to know, but frankly I am not at a point in my life that I want to openly share with anyone who stumbles across. Maybe one day, I will be there, but not today. Those who know me best know exactly what happened, and that is enough for me. Suffice to say, my blog was all things Gracie. It had been for so long, and honestly I didn't know how to go on from such a staggering loss. So I didn't. However, almost a year and a half later, I'm ready to begin again. I've missed my blog. I write for no one but me. It gives me clarity, and I have missed it.
The past 18 months have been hard. My world just stopped, and it drove me mad that time just marched on and left me standing there, with empty arms and a broken heart. Gracie was all I ever wanted. She was beautiful. She had a head full of dark hair, just like her Daddy; and a tiny little nose that looked just like mine. Here was this amazing little creature, absolutely perfect, that had flitted in and out of our lives so quickly. It tore our world apart.
I don't have all the answers, I wish I did. I know that losing a child is something I don't think you ever get over. I've heard from many hurting Mother's, and the answer is always the same no matter how many years have passed. You've heard the saying that time heals all wounds. I don't believe this for a second. It still hurts like it was yesterday. It takes your breath away, and you have to remind yourself how to breathe.
Amidst all the pain, I know this. Grace is in Heaven. She is perfect, whole, and happy. She knows nothing but bliss, and the sweet love of our Father. She is not troubled by the awfulness of this world, and for that I am thankful.
I will move forward, knowing that Jesus knows best. Even though I don't understand why, He had his reasons for taking Gracie. She was never mine to begin with, simply a sweet gift that I had the pleasure of keeping for a very short while.